When I was a little girl, I used to watch movies where a girl would leave her home after graduation and set her eyes on knitting her own identity in the world. She would jet set to the land of big buildings, transvestites on street corners, real money (not piggy bank Barbie dolls), ridiculous taxi fares and boring grocery-shopping trips. Insert a cute love story in the movie sequence and there was the perfect example of how I wanted my life to materialise.
It seemed right, it seemed crazy and it definitely seemed like a bold decision. The night of my graduation ceremony I made the announcement – I was moving to Sydney to follow my dream.
My dad’s reaction was something like this – you’re a fool. A tenacious young adult who has no idea what’s in the world out there! My reaction to that was – I’ve seen enough movies to know what I’m doing. I took a gigantic leap when I moved countries a few years ago. This time it’s only a new city.
It precisely took 25 days of indefinite arguments, tears and debates to convince everyone around me that my decision was a well planned one. Was it really? If you call having a crazy dream with an adamant mind frame and no plan B, a “well planned” decision then let’s go with that.
The concept of growing up was never alien to me. I saw my big sisters go through their whiny days when I was a pampered teenager. It seemed challenging and heart breaking but I knew I would be able to handle it. I am a Scorpio after all. Dealing with life challenges while flashing a big smile is my forte. Today, when I’m part of the stampede race I feel like I’m making stupid life decisions. I feel lost and confused. The impending question of ‘what are you doing with your life’ has taken permanent residency on every stranger’s lip. There are days when I’m motivated enough to narrate the next five years of my life and then those horrid moments when I have difficulties in even writing a cover letter. I am no longer in a protective bubble where everything is laid out on a platter for me. In a way, I’m glad that I no longer have to deal with university lecturers and slack group members. But I know that I have to deal with real-life editors and co-workers.
Am I ready for this change? Maybe yes. In these moments of scepticism and uncertainty, it’s difficult to stay positive and upbeat. I doubt my chosen career path, my parents’ trust, my passionate dream and myself every single day. I am about to open that big, scary door to a world of grown-ups and reality. No one will warn me here. No one will hold my hand. No one will ask me to look left and right before crossing the road. While I’m ready to nudge and elbow my way into the world of journalism, I’m also worried that someone will shake me and my dream will never come true.
As for the path to my dream, now that’s another story. In my head the first step is to move cities (Brisbane to Sydney). For that to happen, I need a roof above my head that will accommodate all my shoes (and me). Then I need a job that will help me increase my shoe collection even further. And then insert a cute love story somewhere after that.
As of today, this very second, I lack every ingredient to reach that ultimate goal of mine. I don’t know when I’m moving, where I’m moving, what I’m doing and how I’m finding a boy. But somehow I’m very optimistic about it. Call it ambitious or stupid, I’ve mapped the plan in my head and there is no going back. I have started the journey and this car isn’t stopping till all my tyres are bald and the engine starts emitting black smoke.
If you have any ideas/suggestions on how to make this journey a smoother one (aka you know anyone with a spare room in Sydney or have a confirmation that Kirstie Clements is leaving the editor’s chair at Vogue tomorrow) then please leave a comment below. Alternatively head to the Contacts page.
Until then…I’ll see you on the highway to success.
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