Growing Up

When I was a little girl, I used to watch movies where a girl would leave her home after graduation and set her eyes on knitting her own identity in the world. She would jet set to the land of big buildings, transvestites on street corners, real money (not piggy bank Barbie dolls), ridiculous taxi fares and boring grocery-shopping trips. Insert a cute love story in the movie sequence and there was the perfect example of how I wanted my life to materialise.

It seemed right, it seemed crazy and it definitely seemed like a bold decision. The night of my graduation ceremony I made the announcement – I was moving to Sydney to follow my dream.
My dad’s reaction was something like this – you’re a fool. A tenacious young adult who has no idea what’s in the world out there! My reaction to that was – I’ve seen enough movies to know what I’m doing. I took a gigantic leap when I moved countries a few years ago. This time it’s only a new city.
It precisely took 25 days of indefinite arguments, tears and debates to convince everyone around me that my decision was a well planned one. Was it really? If you call having a crazy dream with an adamant mind frame and no plan B, a “well planned” decision then let’s go with that.

The concept of growing up was never alien to me. I saw my big sisters go through their whiny days when I was a pampered teenager. It seemed challenging and heart breaking but I knew I would be able to handle it. I am a Scorpio after all. Dealing with life challenges while flashing a big smile is my forte. Today, when I’m part of the stampede race I feel like I’m making stupid life decisions. I feel lost and confused. The impending question of ‘what are you doing with your life’ has taken permanent residency on every stranger’s lip. There are days when I’m motivated enough to narrate the next five years of my life and then those horrid moments when I have difficulties in even writing a cover letter. I am no longer in a protective bubble where everything is laid out on a platter for me. In a way, I’m glad that I no longer have to deal with university lecturers and slack group members. But I know that I have to deal with real-life editors and co-workers.

Am I ready for this change? Maybe yes. In these moments of scepticism and uncertainty, it’s difficult to stay positive and upbeat. I doubt my chosen career path, my parents’ trust, my passionate dream and myself every single day. I am about to open that big, scary door to a world of grown-ups and reality. No one will warn me here. No one will hold my hand. No one will ask me to look left and right before crossing the road. While I’m ready to nudge and elbow my way into the world of journalism, I’m also worried that someone will shake me and my dream will never come true.

As for the path to my dream, now that’s another story. In my head the first step is to move cities (Brisbane to Sydney). For that to happen, I need a roof above my head that will accommodate all my shoes (and me). Then I need a job that will help me increase my shoe collection even further. And then insert a cute love story somewhere after that.

As of today, this very second, I lack every ingredient to reach that ultimate goal of mine. I don’t know when I’m moving, where I’m moving, what I’m doing and how I’m finding a boy. But somehow I’m very optimistic about it. Call it ambitious or stupid, I’ve mapped the plan in my head and there is no going back. I have started the journey and this car isn’t stopping till all my tyres are bald and the engine starts emitting black smoke.

If you have any ideas/suggestions on how to make this journey a smoother one (aka you know anyone with a spare room in Sydney or have a confirmation that Kirstie Clements is leaving the editor’s chair at Vogue tomorrow) then please leave a comment below. Alternatively head to the Contacts page.

Until then…I’ll see you on the highway to success.

Image Credit: Getty Images

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11 thoughts on “Growing Up

  1. Shitika, that was so very honest. I have a huge smile on my face and it appears a few tears have dropped from my eyes. That’s because I understand your insecurities, but I also understand the self belief and determination you feel you have, because I have it too. A great post, I’m sure you will have a few hard times,
    but it will be worth it in the end 😉

  2. Dreams is right. Remember that wherever you go you take yourself with you. A grownup is not a girl but a woman and her partner will be a man not a boy. Getting away from home is often a good thing to do but why Sydney?work put what that lace means to u and gain insight. Luv and good wishes!!!!

  3. Hey Shitika, such a brave girl you are di. Come off to Sydney. If you move after Feb 12th you can simply stay with Sidd and me for as long as you want. And no, I won’t ask to wear your shoes 😉

  4. We can understand the “thoughts of uncertainty” going through your mind but you will be successful. we love you and are always there to support you….. mom and dad

  5. Shitu… my chotu baby… I can feel a lump in my throat as i read your post…the honesty comes right through it.. and that is *exactly* what I love you for! Firstly.. you are MY sister…and you have to be the bravest of all.. I know its a tough world out there.. i did the transition a few years ago too.. but then you will always have the backing of Mom, Dad, Souby and I. Although we are not there with you in person.. but you do know you can pick up the phone or even have a telepathy with either one of us anytime and you know you will get the strength to move on in life towards success..

    I never thought that the pampered you will do so well when you moved countries…and you ROCKED!
    Success is waiting round the corner for you.. you just need to keep walking.

    I love you Shitu and I have the confidence in you that you will make your dreams come true. The fact that you followed your dream till now, says a lot about your strength and your dedication! Whenever you get the ‘ifs’ in your head.. message/call/ping me! 🙂 You are my brave baccha and I will soon be holding my head up high saying “That girl, Shitika Anand, is my lil sister”…
    God bless you honey! Muah!

  6. Shitika, I’m currently hanging out and Mum & Dad’s house because hubby has a night shift tonight. I want to go home (to our home) but my mother keeps convincing me to stay the night – evidently, she is not accustomed to me being a big, grown up girl who has to fly away on her own, and even more pathetic is the fact that I am not accustomed to putting my foot down and forcing myself to grow up and move on from the cocoon. Basically, I am trying to commend you for taking the big leap into a new, bigger world. I wish you all the best as you move to Sydney to pursue your dream. Some days, no matter how widely published you are, you get those days of nasty insecurities and nastier setbacks. If this ever happens to you (and I sincerely hope it does not) I urge you to think back to this time, and think, if I was brave enough to make a move despite having no home and no job, then I can get through anything that life/editors/budget cutbacks for freelancers will throw at me. In the mean time, keep writing about the journey, because that in and of itself will be raw, honest and what good reading is made for. Definitely worth a move where a wordsmith is concerned, no? Good luck with the flight, butterfly x

  7. I think it’s a requirement to move down to Sydney to chase our fashion journalism dreams. I graduated from QUT in journalism too in December and had it not been for my round-the-world trip, I would’ve already moved down there. I’m determined to move when I get back though; my goal is Vogue UK and I’m not quite sure staying in Brisbane will help me achieve that. Seems like the ball is rolling for you though, so you should just close your eyes and move move move.. now! If you know you have the skills to get a job when you get down there, then the rest will fall into place.

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