Disclosure: Jersey Shore fans, I apologise for any deliberate mocking of the show and its characters.
We need to have a chat. Yes, I’m talking to you, my dear.
Put that glass of scotch down and take a seat. Your ‘angry young man’ trait needs to be analysed, discussed and perhaps even disdained.
Is the glass down? Promise me, you won’t get fired up and punch a hole in the wall.
For those who are raising their eyebrows at this post, let me tell you a little secret. If you thought the Generation-X and Generation-Y war was too much to handle and pointless, to an extent, I have some bad news for you. There’s a wildcard entry of this new breed called Generation-come-at-me-bro, and it’s taken the aforementioned war to a whole new level of ridiculousness. Good news is that it entails everyone who’s already part of Gen-X and Gen-Y, but by the means of this new tag, they’ve found a new voice. A new identity. A new spot in the nightclub where all the brawls happen.
Okay, back to you, Gen-come-at-me-bro.
I asked you to… keep.that.scotch.down.
Firstly, don’t you dare camouflage the birth of this infamous catchphrase; we are all aware of the gutter it has risen from. Which begs me to question – how dare you watch Jersey Shore? Rather, how can you watch Jersey Shore?
You’re not part of the Kardashian clan, neither are you a pathetic Hollywood reporter. So what exactly is your reason for watching solarium-pooped boys and girls on TV? Now that we’ve mentioned fake tan, in all honesty, everyone on that reality show looks as if the Sun decided to fart and then throw up on their faces.
Back in 2010, an uneducated idiot used the phrase in front of cameras (video evidence below), and now a year later, the phrase has become an anthem for all ‘angry young men’ around town. You’re so confident with the ‘come-at-me-bro‘ act in public, that it almost seems like you’ve rehearsed in front of the mirror at home.
Oh God! Please say you didn’t?!
I’m imagining a badly postured man, wearing sunken-jeans, yelling with his arms stretched out, “come at me, bro”.
Oh, the horror!
Make it look natural, to say the least.
My dear, on paper you’re part of an exceptionally talented, self-motivated, tenacious and passionate generation. Why create this divide? Why so much self-deprecation and public loathe? Why do you feel the urge to yell out grammatically-atrocious words to strangers in public?
Why, for the love of Snooki, WHY?
This alcohol-induced behaviour is either pumping your drunken ego or is leaving a visible scar on your face. Post this swagger, your options are either to get slapped by your sober friends, or spend a cozy night in jail.
Your call, buddy.
If anything, I know for a fact that you’re not bad people. I’ve met a lot of members from your tribe. In fact, you’re incredibly beautiful, hilarious, ingenious and zealous human beings. Your personalities are crackin’. I’m even impressed with the hidden intellectuals in a whole lot of you, but Jesus, this come-at-me-bro crap fails me.
It fails you.
With the power entrusted in me, I genuinely request you to:
a) STOP watching Jersey Shore. Just.Stop.
b) Break the authenticity of these horrendous four words and unsubscribe yourself from EVERY ‘come-at-me-bro’ page on ALL social media platforms – unfollow on Twitter, unlike on Facebook, remove from your circles on Google+, remove yourself from Google+, even.
c) Be an adult and turn the situation around. It’s easy – on your next drunken shenanigan, if a stranger yells out, “come-at-me-bro”, look at him in the eye. Give him a warm smile and blurt out a completely inappropriate sexual innuendo. C’mon, we all know how many sexual innuendos can come out of, ‘come-at-me-bro’. See what I did there?
Consider this a humble request from the ladies of Gen-Y, or a warning to maintain the dignity of your buddies swimming in your southern parts – terminate your membership from Generation-come-at-me-bro, and watch the Snookis and Ronnies of the world die in their fake-tanned misery.
Alright, you can finish that scotch now.