Have you ever been denied entry to a night club for “not looking gay”?
I have. Ha.
Let me tell you the story… promise, it’s fun.
My latest discovery in my new hometown is that, Monday nights mean nothing in London. Nothing at all. You will find just as many people going for after-work drinks on a Monday night as on a Friday. The city is crying out your name to claim your next hangover at the nearest pub.
… so I did.
Last night, I went out with a few girl friends, as we decided to celebrate the joys of the holiday season and end-of-university-term. You see, after all the sleepless nights and hours spent on Photoshop, we figured it was our birth right to treat ourselves to a few cocktails. While the night was still young and we were five-too-many cocktails down, each, we ventured to a gay bar in Soho for a little boogie.
Now, the thing with gay bars is that they are bloody fun. Surely you’ve been to one? For those who haven’t – the music in gay bars takes you back to the ’90s, you’re surrounded by amazing dancers and there are no inhibitions on the dance floor. It’s like dancing in your living room with your best friends, except you’re in heels and a skanky dress.
With that in mind, and everyone’s wish to dance to Nicki Minaj, we went to G-A-Y (which Google tells me is UK’s number one gay bar). The bouncer checked all the girls’ IDs, looked at me and said,
“I can’t let you in, you don’t look gay”. I repeat, “you don’t look gay”.
How does anyone look gay? Does it require for the person to have a tattoo of a penis/vagina inside a love heart on their face? Is there a club or a society that authorises someone’s homosexuality? No seriously, I want to know what he meant by that?
Now, I love me a good sausage, hence, i’m one hundred percent not gay. But how does that make me a threat in a gay bar, on a Monday night? Did I seem of the potential to pounce every dude inside the club? Or maybe they were recruiting lesbians-only for the single ladies inside? I actually don’t know because I WAS DENIED ENTRY.
Thanks to the double-tequila shot that was having a party in my brain, I didn’t punch his eyeballs out with an argument. But again, WTF!
This morning, I was trying to give a term to this discrimination and all I could come up with was – reverse homophobia. It’s the fear of a straight, single girl in a gay club.
I have to admit though, I’m a serious hater of homophobics. Hater! I never boil up until I meet someone who disses homosexuality and people’s right to love; the inner-Lara-Croft in me comes roaring out. Who makes these rules of who someone should love? Why does the society care if a man wants to wake up next to another man? It’s nobody’s business, really. So, this situation from last night made me a little happy that, for a change, straight people were being discriminated. But in this case, selfishly, I was being discriminated and that’s not OK.
Tell me Mr. Bouncer, how does me being straight ruin the anarchy of your club? No, please enlighten me, how are gay and lesbians meant to ‘look’? Is there a stereotype that we’re following here where certain attires, hairstyles and make-up techniques legitimates somebody’s choices in sexuality? With that in mind, only women in pants, a button-down shirt and cropped hair should be allowed to be tagged as lesbian, and a man with a pre-puberty voice, an amazing hairline and chinos should call himself gay. How about you take your conventional-thinking head out of your arse every now and then, Mr. Bouncer?
Damn you, seriously.
The only stereotype you should be allowed to have for a gay bar is rapping to Super Bass and doing the Single Ladies routine with a cute, topless gay dude who has a bow-tie around his neck.
My heart is broken. Thanks for shattering my dancing and singing dreams, you little shit.